Brain Injury Booby Trap - Coercive Control After Memory Loss

Total memory loss after a brain injury is already terrifying. Now imagine waking up and learning you’ve been dating someone you don’t remember and he decides to use your confusion to lock you into a life you never chose. We read an anonymous story that traces how vulnerability becomes a weapon in the hands of an abuser, from reproductive coercion and family ultimatums to isolation that slowly cuts off every lifeline.

The control doesn’t start with a punch. It starts with pressure, rewritten history, and rules that only apply to her. We hear how coercive control shows up through forced “boundaries” that separate her from supportive family, decisions made over her objections, and financial abuse that drains paychecks while she carries the full weight of childcare and the home. When the violence escalates, we also pause to say plainly what too many people still deny: it is possible to sexually assault a spouse, and consent can be withdrawn at any moment.

We also address the question survivors get asked far too often: why didn’t you leave sooner? We talk about threats, dependence, fear for a child’s safety, and the way abuse increases when someone tries to step away. And we highlight what real strength looks like: a safety plan, trusted neighbors, family support, and leaving at the safest moment possible.

If you or someone you love needs language for what’s happening, this story offers it. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more survivors can find this space.

Submit your story anonymously - https://forms.gle/NTfdJJX7zvEKGJHk8

Transcript

Welcome And Trigger Warning

0:11

Welcome to Feel, Heal, Rise, Stories After Silence, where we give a voice to the unheard, speak the unspoken, and remind you that you're not alone, and what happens to you will never define you. My name is Erica Blake, and this is a podcast where I read real anonymous stories of abuse, survival, and what it takes to heal. I'm gonna give a trigger warning. This submission contains emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and narcissistic abuse, as well as domestic violence. If you are not in a place to hear this right now, please take care of yourself and feel free to come back later. With that, let's begin.

Memory Loss And Sudden Marriage

0:58

In October of 2017, I had a brain injury that caused 100% memory loss. I still knew how to walk, talk, eat, and read. Recovery took me years, and I'll be never back to who I was. During the first few months of my recovery, I found out I was in a relationship that I had absolutely no memory of. We'll call this guy Connor. Connor is a year younger than me. We had been dating about six months prior to my injury. My doctor said re-experiencing things from the past might help me rediscover my memories. Connor used this advice to, well, to put it bluntly, baby trap me. Two months after my injury, I had no knowledge or understanding at this point of how somebody had children. At this time, no one had re-explained it to me until after I found out I was pregnant. Once I became pregnant, I was given an ultimatum from my dad's side of the family. Get married to Connor and have the baby, or we will not help you financially. I just had turned 17 and still in high school, barely functioning, so I made the obvious choice and got married to a stranger. Three months later, five months total after the injury. After the marriage, Connor moved in with me and my parents until the baby was born. So I made the obvious choice and got married to a stranger. After the marriage, Connor moved in with me and my parents until the baby was born.

Isolation From Support Begins

2:45

This is really when subtle signs started to show. Connor would constantly try and tell me how I used to say that I hated my family and that they weren't good for me, that I needed to set boundaries with them and limit contact. These are the beginning stages of him trying to isolate me for my support. In contrast, any time that his mom called, I was expected to drop everything and do whatever it was that she was asking us. Additionally, I was pressured into making decisions I did not agree with that were suggested by his family, that he fully supported, and I never felt heard. His mother would yell, guilt trip, and threaten me through my pregnancy and marriage. The stress caused early contractions that fortunately did not turn into preterm labor. In September, my son was born, and I did not get to choose his name. Connor picked it and said that it was final, regardless of my opinions, because that was his son.

Crash And Control Tightens

3:55

Fast forward, my son is a month old, and Connor takes him and my car while I'm at work and crashes it, wrapping it around a pole due to the reckless driving and a heavy rainstorm. And that information is coming straight from the police report and the eyewitnesses that saw the crash. My son came out okay, but he broke his pelvic bone and had several months of recovery. This is when the pressure to leave my family escalated. He demanded that I stay home from work to take care of him full time, even though I was the only one working up until this point. He yelled at me, telling me that he comes first and I should be grateful to take care of him. Once he recovered, we moved into a house my grandparents owned, just the three of us. After the move, none of the family was allowed at the house. And he moved in his parents, his sister, and her baby without my consent. None of them worked except me. My son was five months old by this point. I slept in my son's room several nights a week and was not allowed in my room, the master bedroom, if anyone else was in there to sleep. Or if Connor's sister's baby was taking a nap on my bed.

Exhaustion And Financial Abuse

5:19

The new routine became wake up at 5 30 a.m., change and feed my son, make breakfast for the house, get ready for work, get my son ready for daycare, drop my son off, go to work, pick up my son, make dinner, feed, bathe, change my son again before putting him to bed. Then dishes, chores before getting ready for bed, and finally falling asleep around 11 30 at night. Only to do it all again. Most days, there was not enough food in the house, so I went without dinner or breakfast. During this, I was continuously told how worthless I was and how I wasn't doing enough. Additionally, I was expected to pay Connor's parents expenses, such as their phone bill and gas for their cars. This went on for about a year until my grandparents learned what was happening and gave Connor's family a no-trespassing letter threatening legal action. Despite this letter, they continued to live in the house until I told them they needed to leave, or all of us were going to be homeless.

Sexual Violence And Death Threats

6:32

After Connor's family moved out, the physical abuse started. He repeatedly told me he owned me, and that I had no right to say no to intimacy. I was his wife, and you can't essay your wife. That's what he would tell her. I want to make it very clear, really quick, that it is totally possible to sexually assault your wife, and it's not okay, and needs to be talked about more often, and people tend to get really scared to speak up about it because so many people have the opinion that they can't sexually assault their significant other, but in reality, your significant other has the right to say no at any time, and they have the right to change their mind at any time. Along with this, the threats escalated. He would remind me how easy it would be for him to take my life and leave the country with his son and that no one would ever find him. He described all the ways that he would kill me if I ever tried to leave him, making me sit down and watch a horror film as he described my own demise in real time. I had zero control of the finances and was expected to give him every paycheck I earned. He also began abusing our son, hitting his bottom repetitively from one and a half years and older until I left. He left marks and wouldn't stop until we were both screaming. My son from the pain and myself trying to get him to stop. From this point I knew I needed to get

Safety Plan And Leaving

8:18

out. It had been two and a half years by this point. It took six months to get everything together so that I could get out with the help of my parents. I made a safety plan with my neighbors across the street and left while Connor was out of the house. My brother and dad served him divorce papers and supervised him getting his things and leaving the house. Fast forward, and it's been five years, I still have to deal with him to this day. The threats never stopped until I stopped all communication two years ago. He's been radio silent for about eight months to this day. This experience definitely caused me to experience anxiety, depression, PTSD, loss of trust, self-esteem, issues, and dissociation. However, my son and my current partner have really helped me stay motivated on my healing journey. This has allowed me to start letting go and moving on. At that time, I really wish I had more support and more friends to lean on. But I'm currently out and recovering from this journey. For anyone listening, I would like to say, make sure you believe who they are when they show you the first time. Always have an out. And remember, healing is not linear. Give it time. After it's over, it's up to you to decide to do the work. Remember it's okay to say no. Leaving is okay. And protect your peace. Okay. I wanted to take a moment to breath together, everybody. Stuck out to you. Ready? We're gonna go in. I first wanted to say a brain injury is a level of vulnerability that most of us cannot even imagine. I cannot imagine. I want to say thank you for listening. Who I am. And to the person who wrote this, thank you so much for being so detailed and open with sharing your story. That in itself is such a limited state of the field scene in this. Remember, you're not against her. The journey maybe. Obviously, she doesn't have memories. So she's gonna be able to do it. Take it easy on yourself. If you'd like to share your own story, does she have to turn to besides this random stranger that says admit it through the link in my bio? We'll talk now soon. I want to answer a lot of people he'll rise.

Why Leaving Is Not Simple

10:43

A lot of people ask, why didn't you leave in the beginning? You're not alone and why didn't Steve the first time to find you? You started to realize, oh no, this isn't quite right, or he started to hit or he started to hit your kid. Like, why didn't you leave immediately, right? And the answer is it's really not as simple as that. Whenever you are being abused, that person does everything they can to get you away from the people who are supporting you. And they make it to where you depend on them. In the beginning, you're like, I love this person so much that you just give it to them. You're like, oh, you need some money? Yeah, of course, I'm gonna help you. Like, I care about you, I love you. Whenever you love somebody, you care about someone, or someone is your significant other, you're like, yeah, this is what I'm supposed to do for you, I care about you, and slowly the yeah, sure, let me help you out turns into oh no, I do not own anything. It is very easy to accidentally step into giving too much. It's also not easy because at this time she was younger. She was younger, she didn't have all her memories, she depended on him emotionally. He threatened her life and her son. So whenever she was like, Okay, like I need to get out of here, it was too late. It's like whenever a cat pushes over a water bottle, it's like tippy taps, tippy taps, and then it falls, and it's like, how did I get here on the floor? And that's kind of how it feels. You look up and you're like, How did I get here? A lot of times that's what people say. They say, I don't know how it got to this point. But once they realized that what's going on is not okay, they find themselves in a position where they're being threatened that if they leave, something bad will happen to them or their kid. In most cases, whenever someone's gonna hurt your kid as a mom, you will do anything that you can do to protect your kid, even if it means staying in this relationship. Even though he was hurting both of them, something worse could have happened. At least that's what he wants her to think. That he'll do something worse, you know. It takes a lot more than it seems. I also wanted to say she had so much strength. Because not only did she just walk out, she had a safety plan, worked with neighbors, involved family, and waited until it was safe. She had a strategy, and that is not weakness. Waiting until it's safe and figuring out a plan so that her and her son are safe is so much strength. It takes so much strength to plan that out and to not just run or to not just stay in the situation that she was in. And so I just, if you're listening, I want to say you have so much strength, you know, and don't let anybody tell you any different because the fact that you are no longer in that situation is a testament to the fact that you're a survivor. It's a testament to the fact that you are a strong person. I know sometimes it's hard to listen to stories that have heavier topics, and we tend to take it on as our own feelings and emotions.

Grounding Breath And Story Submissions

14:11

So I'm gonna take a moment and I want us all to take a breath together just to release anything that we picked up during this, and remember that we don't have to have everything figured out. So let's take a deep breath in. And um. Okay, I want to say thank you for listening. And to the person who wrote this, thank you so much for being so detailed and open with sharing your story. To anyone listening who feels seen in this, remember you're not alone. The journey may be long, but you can do it. Take it easy on yourself tonight. If you'd like to share your own story, you can submit it through the link in my bio or the show notes. We'll talk again soon. Thank you for listening to Feel Heal Rise Stories after silence. And remember, you're not alone, and what happens to you will never define you.